Your Holy Father-In-Law

Hopefully, I didn't make you laugh, but I'm not talking about that one; not your earthly father-in-law, but your holy heavenly Father-in-Law.

I mentioned in a previous post that the hubster's and I were embarking on a journey of hosting a small group in our home for young married couples, which is going very well, if I might add.  Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas is the series that we are going through, and I would strongly recommend this series for engaged, newly married, and even those married for a while.

We just completed the third session, and it covered the idea of being a God-centered spouse.  A God-centered spouse will love and respect their mate out of reverence for God regardless of how they may be acting in a particular moment.  The premise is that God has hand picked and designed our spouse to compliment us, and if we mistreat them, we have to answer to Him.  Our spouse is God's child above all else, so it's best that we love and cherish them through every circumstance, even the difficult ones.

One of the study guide questions really struck me and almost brought me to tears.  Matter of fact, the question was just as impactful for all the other couples.  It was one of those moments where you get a gentle shake from the Spirit.

Here's the question: "If we lived with a profound awareness that our husband or wife is a precious and loved child of God and that our heavenly Father-in-Law cares deeply about how we treat them, how might this impact the way we care for our spouse."

What a, "Wow God moment!"  The first time I went through this question, I almost fell on my face full of tears.  I just thought back over all the bad times when I was way less than a Christian wife; probably more like a ravenous beast.  I couldn't do anything but ask for forgiveness for all of those times; the ugly nasty times.

Another thing I'd like to add is a word of advice from a friend that goes a little something like this, "Do more than your share and don't keep score."

I just think back to all the times where I turned my back on the hubsters because I felt like he wasn't doing enough for me or he wasn't giving the same amount of love and tender care that I was giving him. After reading the question from the study guide, I just feel so silly, but it gives me motivation to be better.  Each day, I aspire to make my holy heavenly Father-in-Law proud.

What are some revelations you've had about your marriage over the years?

Hair Styles Lead to Personality Indicators

No, this is not an empirical study (Ha Ha!), but I have found some connections between personality and hairstyles.  Here's what I've found out....

People who are meticulous, go above and beyond, and have a high attention to details love my hair in VERY defined hairstyles like a first day wash and go OR a highly defined (non-frizzy) twist-out.  They believe that every hair has its place!  The hubsters and Glenda, my friend from church fall into this category.

Those people who are all about fun, carefree, and total sweethearts love my hair big, fluffy, and all over the place.  I achieve this look by thoroughly detangling on dampened hair and doing chunky twists in no particular fashion all over my head.  In the morning (or a few hours later) I take the twists down and fluff my hair up at the roots with a wide tooth comb.  Cara, my friend from church, and Vonnie, my little cousin from Socialite Dreams fall into this category.

Some people are just laid back and kind of go with the flow.  For some reason, a lot of men fall into this category....giggles!  They love a nice blow out, maybe with some type of accessory.  My friends from church, Jason and Joel, definitely fall into this category.

Next, there are people who have a few personality traits from each category above.  They enjoy being wild, fun, and crazy, but not overboard, and they also enjoy a classic put together look, which for me is a puff.  The hubsters also falls into this category, as well as, my mom; my cousin, Shanteele; and ME!!!

 

Lately, I've been wearing my hair in a shrunken afro.  I'm kind of in a hair rut, and I'm trying not to fret so much over it.  I spritz a little of my water mixture, seal with extra virgin olive oil, and I fluff a tiny bit with my wide tooth comb.  Occasionally, I'll put some extra make up on, or a side part, or flower, to jazz up my look.  At night, I don't even bother twisting or braiding my hair to stretch it out, I just throw on a satin bonnet, let it shrink up, and be done!

Do you wear your hair in a certain way to please others?  What reactions do you get to certain hairstyles?

Celebrate Good Times....Come On!

If you haven't figured out by now, I really enjoy celebrating anything and everything.  Or I at least acknowledge the event, give God thanks, and keep it moving.  The Lord will not be able to mistake my attitude for my blessings as ungratefulness.

Today, five years ago, the hubsters proposed to me.  Ironically, we were getting some dinner at Fazoli's; the plan was to eat and get his apartment packed up because he was moving to a different apartment complex.  As we were sitting there, I was going on and on about how I was a good catch and God doesn't want me to waste time waiting to get married, you never miss a good thing until it's gone...blah, blah, blah. Thankfully, he still had the courage to move forward with his plan.  ***Note to women: It's okay to shut-up sometimes.  My engagement day is an important day for me because it represents a shift in my mind set and it was a time that I could really see and acknowledge God's hand in everything.  We don't have anything special planned, but just acknowledging this day is good enough for me.  Anywho....there's something else to celebrate today as well.

Today my pastors are celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary!  I was moved to tears when I looked at the invitation featured above.  I still can't wrap my mind around it.  Apostle Lyon has been directly in ministry for 40 or more years, married for 60 years, and he just celebrated his 80th birthday last month.  He has always been upright, virtuous, not even a claim of deceit against him.  I'm still in awe, because these numbers and my pastors' lives represent how faithful God is.  Please let me add that they both are in good health, coherent, and independent.

All I can say is, "Wow, God!"

What things do you like to celebrate?  How do you usually celebrate? 

Love Above All Else

Happy Monday everyone!  Rejoice in the Lord!  Here's a thought....What if we lived our Monday like it was our Friday????  Ponder that for a little minute.

Anywho, I promised that I would come back with more nuggets that I learned from Prophet Ed Traut, who visited my church last week.  Today, I will tell you some of the points he mentioned about love and what he helped me to understand.

God is love!  Right?  So, if it is the case that God is love, then there cannot be any love without God in the midst.  Please remember, you cannot claim love if you are outside of God's will.

Ladies, please know that your spouse was not made to cater to your every whim and desire and provide you with constant perfect love; that is definitely only a job God can do and you are only setting your spouse up for failure and setting yourself up for disappointment.  Men, please know that you are called to love your spouse as Christ loved the church, which means she should be first priority in your life after God.

Once you continue to seek God and His perfect love, your love for God will overflow.  Out of this overflow is where you should find love to meet your spouse's needs....and let me tell you, there's more than enough.  If we look to God to fulfill us; He will give us the love we need to love 100 nations; His love knows no limits.

Oftentimes, as women, especially if we're newlyweds, we put parameters and ultimatums on our love.  "I changed the baby's diaper last time, so he needs to change it this time."  "If he doesn't clean up, then I'm going to stop cleaning as well."  "He's playing golf while I'm taking care of the kids."  If you have a legitimate concern about your spouse, this is not the way to bring it up; there are ways that you can bring it the forefront in truth and love.  Also, it's not our job to scold and nit-pick everything our partners do.  Whoever, said marriage is 50/50 was lying, we should be striving for 100/100.  But anyone whose been married for any length of time knows that 100/100 can look very different with each day or season of our lives together.

Please visit Psalms 34 to learn more about God's unfailing love.  I was first drawn to this passage about two years ago when my son had to learn it for school, and Prophet Ed Traut brought it back to me last week.  My first reaction was, "Wow God!  You did all of this for me??!!??"  I promise you will be blessed by reading it.

Lastly, I'll leave you with this:
"Do more of your share and do not keep score."  This quote gets me through every time I want to come down on anyone (especially the hubsters) for not doing something.

PeaceOut!

What You Need to Stay Married

Today is my four-year wedding anniversary.  As I look over the last four years and the years leading up to our marriage; I am so thankful for God's hand all over us, even when we didn't have sense enough to be obedient and follow His leading.  I mean, I can't even tell you how much grace He has given us.

As I think about my husband, I just want to be a good steward, because outside of my salvation, he is God's greatest gift to me.  In a time where the world has a completely different view of marriage, I feel so blessed to have found true love eventhough I didn't know how.

I look back on our wedding and wedding planning, and I tried to plan a bang up event complete with awesome food, fun, beautiful bride.  With all of my planning, I still can't truthfully say that I had the best wedding, or that I was the most beautiful bride, or that my wedding was so fun that people didn't want to leave.  What I can say is that, the Spirit showed up at my wedding.  He was our guest of highest esteem, and everyone could feel His presence, and He taught me something.....God will honor every covenant and promise that is founded in Him and that He is invited to be a part of.  In all of our rushing around to plan the most spectacular event, I'm so glad that we didn't forget to invite Him!

Below you will find marriage advice from some extraordinary Christian couples!  Enjoy!

LaMar

• Keep an open heart
• Pray together as a family
• Listen and be interested

TiAnnaMae

The words I still remember and rely on until this day came from Pastor Randy.  He told us to always be eager to believe the best (about each other) and true joy comes when we put God first, each other second, and ourselves last.  So often things come off the wrong way, and we have to be eager to believe our spouse has the best intentions.  This concept was/is huge for me!

Noah & Cara, Married 3 Years

Never go to bed angry!

Ron & Kenyana, Married 9 Months

• Communicate and intentionally make each other a priority
• Invest in one another daily and enjoy it
• Care for each other according to Ephesians 5:21-33 (Instructions for Christian Households)

Jonathan & Sharion, Married 8 Years

Jonathan- Always develop an environment for trust with your partner so that you can achieve a new level of intimacy, which will help you to align your goals and work together as a team to take on everything life may throw your way


Sharion- God alone is the source of true joy; it is not your spouses job!  Make God the center of your marriage.

Reggie & Roshonda, Married 6.5 Months and Counting

• Keep God first! (Matthew 22:37)
• One key to a strong marriage is to have one based on faith and not on performance.
• Mirror God's image and continue to show love to one another like Christ has agape love for us.
• Trusting in God and his word will win every time! (Phillipians 4:11)

Michael & Sherry, Married 9 Years

Sherry- Focus on being the virtuous woman God created me to be (Proverbs 31)

Lamont & Micah, Married 8 Years

• Do not nag and complain about everything, choose your battles
• You can't change anyone

Uncle John (deceased) & Auntie Pat, Married 40+ Years

• Be grateful for each day and let the love of God shine through
• You are forever bound together as one

Please share your marriage advice and how long you've been married in the comments section below.

A Man's Job???!??!

It's been four years of adventure, exploration, learning, pushing myself to the limits, upping my emotional IQ, and crazy love.  I'm referring to four years of marriage to my man!  Which leads me to a very important question....is the remembering and anniversary celebration planning a man's job???

In our society and culture, it's always the man who we hone in on...did he remember?  did he buy his wife a present?  did he plan a bang up night out?  But I'm confused, didn't he get married that day too????  Doesn't he deserve to be celebrated for being your soul mate, your better half, braving through all the odds against marriage year after year???  I think so!

The hubsters and I really aren't gifty type people; I still can't wrap my mind around taking "our" money and buying my husband.....A NEW CAR!!!!  Ok, I'm getting off topic...anywho.  We do like to have a good time, but I'm trying to come up with a way we can celebrate that doesn't cost a lot of money, but is a lot of fun.

My only requirements are that we watch our wedding video and talk about one thing that we remember from the wedding day that helps us in our walk with each other.  I have quite a few things that have helped me though my marriage, which I will share next week.

What advice did you receive when you were getting married that you still use today?

Is Your Communication Dysfunctional?

Jimmy Evans, teacher, pastor, and founder of Marriage Today, taught a series on Sex, Love, and Communication for married couples.  He teaches on ten dysfunctional types of communication, in a session titled, "Don't Talk to Me Like That".  I've heard those words before, and I've even said it myself.

If you are married or thinking about getting married, I know this video will bless you.  Communication is SO important because it can either get you what you want or what you don't want.


Don't Talk To Me Like That from MarriageToday on Vimeo.


Remember that your words can either speak life or speak death!

Grace in a Lost Key

Last week, I had the pleasure of going on a road/camping trip across this beautiful country we call, America!  The family + the god-daughter had a blast...but more on that later in the week.

Although, I am the Director of Fun for our family, the hubsters planned this trip to the "T".  When we finished dinner and started to get the kids settled down after the second day of jam packed activities and we couldn't find the car keys, that was a HUGE event. 
He immediately said, "I gave the keys to you...where are they?"  He knew and I knew that he had not given me the keys, but of course I'm the natural scapegoat, especially when it comes to something that is lost.  This type of event, had my name written all over it.  The sun was pretty much setting at this time, so we grabbed our lanterns and flashlights and looked all around our cabin, the van, in suitcases, around the picnic area, but no key.  LaMar said he was going to re-trace his steps around the KOA to see if he could find the key.  While he was gone, I hurried to put the kids to bed because 1) They were dog tired and 2) If he came back and I wasn't looking for that key, I would be in trouble (LOL).  Of course, he came back with no key and I was still trying to get the kids tucked in.  He said, "I don't know why you're playing around with them when we're going to be stuck here."  I could tell he was starting to get frustrated because this isn't like him to lose something and it was getting late.

I won't bore you with ALL the details, but we searched for the key for a good two hours.  We called the rental company, and they said we would have to get it towed to the nearest Dodge dealer and have another key re-made.  We were looking at a day and a half shaved off our perfectly planned trip of a lifetime, plus almost $300 in extra expenses that was not in our Vacation Envelope.  Let's not even mention calling and trying to change cabin and hotel plans that had already been paid for and had a strict "no cancellation" policy.  I finally said, "Let's just go to sleep and look for it a little more in the morning because either way we have to wake up early."  Just as I said that, the Spirit told me to look in the trash.  I asked LaMar if he had looked in the trash, and he said that he did.  However, I heard the Spirit clear as day, although I didn't particularly feel like digging through garbage.  I took a few moments to woman up and wake myself up.  I started pulling trash out one piece at a time, and what do you know, the van keys were the fourth item that I pulled out of the trash.

We were both overjoyed, but LaMar shocked me.  He grabbed me and just hugged me, and said, "Thank you and praise God."  After he released me, he said, "Now what did You want me to learn from this?"  He concluded that God wanted to show him that he was not perfect and that he can lose stuff as well.  Also, God wanted Him to extend grace to me when I fall short of his expectations.

Although, at this point it was around 1 a.m. after a day of going to two National Parks and one State Park, I was beat down, but I was happy for this teachable moment.  He learned to give me grace, and I learned the importance of not being a nagging wife.  The book of Proverbs says, "It's better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home" Proverbs 21:9 NLT.  In this whole ordeal, not once did I speak out against him, put him down, or bash him.  The thought never crossed my mind, and if I had, I'm not sure that our results would have turned out the way they did.

Have you ever been in a similar situation with your spouse?  How did you handle it?