Why Haven't I Been Healed

I've seen and heard of my own friends being supernaturally healed.  One day they're discussing which cancer treatment to pursue, the next day there is no cancer.  Large tumors have disappeared, hearing has been restored, and spinal problems just cleared up in the name of Jesus.  If you've never had the chance to be a witness of Jesus' miraculous healing problems; it is a true faith builder.  Many people wonder why miracles don't happen today like they used to in the Bible days.  I think it's because we lack the faith to see it, and we always give credit to science, technology, luck, etc., when God is the author of it all.

Almost four years ago, I was diagnosed with a non life-threatening issue, but it has made life harder for me nonetheless.  I'm constantly bothered with fatigue, pain, mood swings, and let's not mention the added medical costs because of this issue.  For the last two years, I've had a handful of pastors pray over me, I have friends praying for me, I've been anointed with oil, I anoint myself with oil on a regular basis, I pray, and trust in God that I will be healed.  So why haven't I?????

Over the summer at my church, we had a wonderful prophetess who is gifted in the spiritual gift of healing, as spoken about in I Corinthians 12:

⁴ There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. ⁵There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. ⁶ God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.
   ⁷ A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. ⁸ To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice^[b]; to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge.^[c] 9 The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing. ¹⁰ He gives one person the power to perform miracles, and another the ability to prophesy. He gives someone else the ability to discern whether a message is from the Spirit of God or from another spirit. Still another person is given the ability to speak in unknown languages,^[d] while another is given the ability to interpret what is being said. ¹¹ It is the one and only Spirit who distributes all these gifts. He alone decides which gift each person should have.

She was there for three days, and at least 50 people were called out to be healed or discovered spiritual gifts that they didn't even know they had.  I was praying that she would call me out  so that I would be rid of this issue that has been plaguing me for years.  Then God reminded me that I didn't need someone else to heal me, and that I could heal my own self.  Verses like Matthew 9:29 came to mind: "According to your faith will it be done to you." and Isaiah 53:5 "But He was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins.  He was beaten so we could be whole.  He was whipped so we could be healed."  Lastly, Matthew 17:20, "You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them, "I tell you the truth.  If you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there.' and it would move.  Nothing would be impossible."

On her last day there, I had an overwhelming sense of peace.  I had an overwhelming sense that she helped, healed, and built up everyone that God sent her there for, and I was not among them.  It was God's way of letting me know that I would be just fine, and I was already on the way  to my blessing.  I reflect back on this time when I get discouraged and down and out about my health. 

I'm not going to lie, my faith has faltered in the past, but I wouldn't say that I am lacking faith.  What if God is trying to use me to bring glory to His kingdom.  Every so often, I get a reminder that people are watching me to see how I will react to certain situations.  I believe people are excited to see Christians succeed or fail so that it reaffirms whatever it is that they believe.  When I returned back to work after the death of my second child, I had so many people come up to me and say "thank you".  They just wanted to thank me for being strong and being an encouragement to them.  After such a tragic event, they were unsure where I was going to land.  I was unsure where I was going to land, but He always had me.

Another thing that I learned is that some times we go through a storm because we're doing something right, NOT because we're doing something wrong.  When Ed Traut of Prophetic Life Ministries came to my church he spoke about how the Israelites were lost in the wilderness for 40 years and had to defeat several tribes, including giants, to get to the promise that God had given them.  They faced so many uncertain situations and the future looked bleak and impossible, but they kept pressing forward.

I, too, have been given a promise, but it seems as if this medical issue is standing in my way.  I honestly don't know why I haven't been healed, but I know I serve a God that stands by His promises.  Maybe He intends to use this issue to bring glory to His kingdom, or to teach me about worry and doubt, or maybe bring me and the hubsters even closer together.  I don't know, but I do know that I'm laying it at His feet every day.